WHY
"At his own risk?"
BECAUSE if his fellow masters of LLAP-GOCH DISCOVER his IDENTITY,
they will PUNISH HIM SEVERELY for revealing the DEADLY secrets
he had promised to keep SECRET, without giving them a piece of
the ACTION, and also BECAUSE of the TERRIBLE risk of PUNISHMENT
he runs under the Trades Description Act.
WHAT
is LLAP-GOCH?
IT is THE most DEADLY form OF SECRET self-DEFENCE that HAS ever
been widely advertised and available to EVERYONE.
WHY ALL the CAPITALS?
Because THE most likely kind OF person TO answer THIS sort OF
advertisement HAS less trouble under-STANDING words if they ARE
written in BIG letters.
WHAT is LLAP-GOCH
again?
It is an ANCIENT Welsh ART based on a BRILLIANTLY simple I-D-E-A,
which is a SECRET. The best form of DEFENCE is ATTACK (Clausewitz)
and the most VITAL element of ATTACK is SURPRISE (Oscar HAMMERstein).
Therefore, the BEST way to protect yourself AGAINST any ASSAILANT
is to ATTACK him before he attacks YOU... Or BETTER... BEFORE
the THOUGHT of doing so has EVEN OCCURRED TO HIM!!!
SO YOU MAY BE ABLE TO RENDER YOUR ASSAILANT UNCONSCIOUS BEFORE
he is EVEN aware of your very existence!
Banish
Inadequacy
No longer need you feel WEAK, helpless, INDECISIVE, NOT fascinating
and ASHAMED of your genital dimensions. No more need you be out-manoeuvred
in political debate!! GOOD BYE HUMILIATION, wisecracking bullies,
Karate experts, boxing
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champions,
sarcastic vicars, traffic wardens; entire panzer divisions will
melt to pulp as you master every situation without INADEQUACY. PROTECT
YOUR LOVED ONES. You will no longer look pitiful and spotty to your
GIRL FRIENDS when you leave some unsuspecting passerby looking like
four tins of cat food! They will admire your MASTERY and DECISIVENESS
and LACK OF INADEQUACY and will almost certainly let you put your
HAND inside their BLOUSE out of sheer ADMIRATION. And after seeing
more of your expert disabling they'll almost definately go to bed
with you, although obviously we can't ABSOLUTELY guarantee this,
still it's extremely likely and would make learning LLAP-GOCH really
worthwhile al- though legally we can't PROMISE anything.
Why WELSH
Art?
LLAP-GOCH was developed in Wales because for the average Welshman,
the best prospects of achieving a reasonable standard of living
lie with the acquisition of the most efficient techniques of armed
robbery.
HOW do
I learn?
No, you mean "How do YOU Learn." I know already.
HOW do
You Learn?
You receive ABSOLUTELY FREE your own special personal LLAP-GOCH
Picture Book with hundreds of PHOTOGRAPHS and just a very few plain,
clear and simple, easy to understand words.
Only
a FOUR-SECOND WORK-OUT Each Day!
And
you will be ready to HARM people!
DEVELOP UP TO 38" BICEPS
GROW UP TO 12" TALLER
LOSE UP TO 40" OF FAT IN YOUR FIRST WORK-OUT!
PROLONG YOUR LIFE BY UP TO 1,000 YEARS
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GO
TO BED WITH UP TO ANY LUDICROUS NUMBER OF GIRLS YOU CARE TO THINK
OF PROVIDING YOU REALIZE THIS STATEMENT IS QUITE MEANINGLESS AS
THE PHRASE "UP TO" CLEARLY INCLUDES THE NUMBER "NOUGHT."
WHAT
Does it Cost?
This, like LLAP-GOCH, is a SECRET but you will find out sooner or
later, don't worry.
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MAIL
DARING HAIR-RAISING MONEY-SAVING HALF-PRICE NO-RISK FREE-TRIAL
COUPON NOW!
O.K.
Hounourable Master, I accept your daring, hair-raising,
mind-boggling, blood-curdling, no-risk, half-price, free-trial
offer to reveal the secrets of LLAP-GOCH in a plain wrapper
at once. Yes Master, I never again want to be 'Weak In
The Knees' and 'Chicken Out' and 'Wet My Pants' when insulted
and attacked.
I agree never to abuse the principles of LLAP-GOCH or
consult a lawyer.
I am over 4.
I have an extra Y chromosome.
Bill me later. I understand that if I am not completely
satisfied I have been had.
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(my
signature)____________
NAME _________________ AGE __
ADDRESS _____________ CITY _______________ STATE ____________
ZIP _______
Please
also enroll me under your special Car Insurance Scheme.
I understand that I do not have to sign anything to
make this completely binding to me.
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